is that the movie with hilary swank?

i agree with everything you said. and another thing i don't understand is people against gay marriage. um, if they're not gay than that issue is none of they're business. like, why do ppl care if 2 gay ppl want to get married? marriage is just some legal shit. they're going to be together anyway, whether they get married or not. i just don't get some people

love.venus

Thank you. I wish you luck as well :]

And as for the comment: I think you look beautiful. And that even sadness can be beautiful, too. :]:]

AnnaAlice<3

Some people are so nieve and close minded..unfort your Aunt falls into that category.  You know what honey..we all go through stages in our life where we have no idea how we feel and what we feel for certain people...I've had my experiences w/women and it was nice...we can't help who we are attracted to...it changes daily right...as long as you are happy with yourself..it doesn't matter what people think...and to comment on your picture....you are absolutely gorgeous even if you do look sad...you are very photogenic.  You also seem to capture your emotion which is also not only sad but encouraging...I see your eyes...they are telling a story of a girl who is lonely yet is looking for love and is hopeful!  You have people around you that understand what you are going through and love ya!  Stay positive girlie!

xoxo Jam

p/s Peyton is beautiful happy or sad!!!

omg ur seriously gonna dye ur hair rainbow? that is so freakin awesome! the only color i've ever dyed my hair is purple. and once i was thinking about dying it red, like red red. but i don't know.. maybe some day :P

love.venus

Hey there little lady!  Well I have to admit that you and I are so alike when it comes to our friend situation..I always put more into friendships and it definately takes its toll..the problem is..I get angry, bottle it up and move on...the problem is..when that bottle is filled I explode...sometimes losing touch w/people is easy but they don't realize how much you miss them..I know you are frustrated w/Jonathan..maybe you should message him...I know how busy you've been and definately need that support right now...

Ok..wait a minute...Jacob is moving in your town..wow...that's so crazy..who knows maybe you guys will hang out and be great friends...oh and about your rainbow hair, I think that's so cute!!  If I didn't work around uptight people, my hair would be pink or blue..or have some funky streaks!  For our big fishing tournament I had lots of blue streaks...super cute but faded so quick b/c it was the cheap dye!  Anyways, I've missed ya and I hope you are doing good...xoxo Jam

Yeah, I didn't.

And vampires are hott :]

Those first two lines are so true.
Ugh, I'm sorry today sucked. My parents used to be like that too, telling me I spent too much time on the computer and didn't do anything worthwhile and blahhh blah blah, until they realized how hard I work at school and what I have to deal with from my crappy friends.
Anyway, I hope your day gets better...

sorry about your aunt, sounds exactly like my mom now that i think of it. whoa, exactly like my mom. whenever my mom is angry she starts telling me how i'm not even looking for a job and all of this other stuff. and music is like my escape too.

love the Melvins. never heard any of those other bands music though. i have like lists of bands i want to listen to, but my internet connection is pretty slow so it's hard, yea that sucks.

well hope things get better with ur aunt :)

love.venus

Thank you so much for that comment. You are really right about a lot of that, and I appreciate the advice. I don't want to miss out on the fun times. But, I'll only be gone for about one or two years. [long story] If things don't get better by then...I'll have to make them better. -sighs-

Well, anyway like I said thank you for the comment, I'll keep all of that in mind. As for your realization, or maybe even if you want to call it an epiphany - I take that as a good thing. I'm sorry about your past though.

If you read my next entry when it's out, you'll see that a few good things did happen though =)

<3Anna

bet i'm more boring than you! lol :P at least you put up pics and stuff, i'm too lazy to even do that

I do think writing helps, it's certainly helped me in my life. It gives me a release. And now I like to read what I wrote so long ago, it helps me realize how things have changed. Well, things haven't changed too much, but I've changed. I write a lot when I'm upset too. Looking through my diaries I noticed I wrote almost every day when I was 16, and it was all pretty depressing stuff. And I noticed that the second half of my senior year in high school, I barely wrote at all. So I write mostly when I'm depressed also. I'm still a pretty quite person, at least until people get to know me. Even then, though, I have times where I'm really antisocial. It's weird, sort of like how bipolar people have their extremes. One moment I can be extremely hyper and talkative, and the next moment I can be really quiet.

No I didn't edit that entry, at least I don't remember editing it..

Yea, the tv show Busted. lol. If you ever see the episode where this guys safe is stolen and he thinks his ex gf Ashley took it, that's my cousin Ashley. lol. And on top of her being on tv, my grandpa was in the newspaper (where they live, Ohio) because he was arrested for walking out of the store with a case of pop. lol. Yea my family is.. a colorful bunch. lol.

Some bosses feel the need to have their own little power trip..you will have one of them at every job...hey you were there at 6...just b/c you have to get dressed for a second time isn't your fault!!  Anyways...i have had some dreams about E lately..some of them have really felt real since we are fighting..but I've never heard that if you dream of them they were thinking of you..that's pretty crazy...Well I'm glad you are doing good..I miss ya girl!  I hope you have a good day!
Jam

So get there ten minutes early.  Your job starts at 6 not 9 past. 

Thank you hun. I love and miss you too. Ah I'm with you on the sleep deprivation wagon. I take Nyquill to knock me out. And I'm sorry about Anthony. I haven't heard anything but I'm all the way in BC, Canada. Whenever I hear about things like this it gives me a jolt though. I totally remember Skillz. I hope rest of the week's better for you. Talk soon.

Harvie <3

 im sorry for your loss

chris

[chrisko666]

Heyy, your last two comments came up blank. If you remember what you wrote, could you redo them? It's fine if you don't remember, but I love reading your comments and it bothers me that I don't know what they said.

This entry made a lot of sense. It's good that you were able to feel at peace after figuring all of this out. I agree with you 100%...he was depressed and suicidal, and probably wanted help, but just didn't know how to get it. But whatever the case, Kurt Cobain has a really sad story, and the world would be better off if he'd been able to somehow find peace without killing himself.

AJ sounds really nice!! It always helps to have a friendly coworker. Haha, yeah you'd make an awesome pimp, I can totally see it. :P

It's always sad when you start losing interest in someone...but if the feelings don't last forever, then maybe it wasn't worth pursuing in the first place? But at the same time, you never know, maybe when you guys start talking again, your feelings will come back.

Aha yeah, my update wasn't terribly exciting, so you can take your time getting to it. :)

I am glad to hear you are doing better...even if I think you are faking some of it! ... well it sounds like you and aj are becoming great friends..it makes your work day so much more fun and it moves so fast when you have someone to take the seriousness out!  Does that make sense?  Anyways..you hadn't written about Jacob in some time and I thought maybe you were losing interest..well as long as you are happy, that's all that matters and you are right..you can't wait forever!  You need to focus on yourself honey!  Do something fun or nice for youself..you deserve it!  Think about ya little lady..hope you're doing good!

xoxo Jam

Kurt Cobain had such a sad story. [[And I have to thank you, because I never knew just how much he went through until I read your entries about it. I probably would've been just another one of those people who saw him as "the sucidial heroine junkie who overdosed" if it weren't for you.]]

It's so terrible how people never feel like they should help someone who's in such deep despair, the way he was. They just watched him fall deeper and deeper into his depression, every single day, thinking that it wasn't their responsibility to help. Thinking that he'd get out of it on his own, he'd be ok in the end. Everyone's like that, and it really sucks. You can never assume a person is going to be ok.

Eh...let me get this straight.

I know about the real world, and I wasn't going to just run away. I had a plan, even at the last minute.

I don't care about logical.

Like I said I was going to go to my sister's.

And I know John was proud of me, but that doesn't change anything. I ran away - not because I thought it was cool - but because I just felt like it.

Pride isn't taking over me. I'm just doing what I want to do no matter what...everybody has been trying to tell me what's right and what's wrong...and I'm just sick of it, don't they get it that no matter what I'm going to be who I'm going to be and I'm gunna do what I'm gunna do?

I'm not going to deal with it because it's life. Because if that's how life is going to be then it's not worth it.

I play by the rules when I need to, but I know when it's just getting out of hand.

But thank you for your advice and comments, I really am thankful for them.

Anna Apparition

i've never seen About A Son but is that the movie where it's the interviews between Michael Azerrad and Kurt? The book that Azerrad wrote about Nirvana was published in 1993, but after Kurt died he added a last chapter to it. I've read the book once, about a yr ago, and now I'm reading it again. lol.

i feel the same way you do. i can't understand why it seemed like nobody cared about him enough to save him. i say the same thing, he was human.

one time i was surfing the web and found this article someone wrote, and all it was basically doing was putting Kurt down. i couldn't believe it. he said such horrible things, nobody should be put down like that.

soo u saw Last Days? did u like it? i don't think i could watch the whole thing. i wouldn't say i have a short attention span, but i get irritated during some movies if they're long or there isn't a lot of action. lol.

Haha I just got your comment from one of my old entries! Alexis is my best friend and Alex is a guy I like. I don't really like a lot of guys except for Alex and my friend John who is older and out of state. And you're right...I like it a lot better when guys call me pretty or beautiful instead of hott too.

Anna<3

I think we are all unstable in our lives..no one is perfect and we all have our own issues.  I am still not fully happy..I have some depression looming and instead of talking about it..I hold it inside..that is not good and I know it but it's not easy talking about your own problems..yano?  I think music is very powerful..and inspirational.  In Kurt's case..it goes to show you that money can't buy happiness..I lost someone to suicide and I think that's why I never tried to do it..It hurts more people than you realize.  Sometimes I just sit back and think..yano..jam..you can't change yourself.all you can do is be happy with what you have..it's not easy but it helps me get through the day!  Love ya girl! Jam

hey! i'm obsessed with Kurt Cobain too! lol. really. i've read three books about him, well 2 were about him and I also read Come As You Are: The Story of Nirvana. i've never seen the movie you're talking about, but i walked in the living room one time while my dad was watching it, and it looked sort of boring. i watched it for about 15 minutes and nothing really happened. and the main character is supposed to be him,  but he's got a different name.

anyway, i know how you feel about him.  i really wish i had been born in a time where i could have been to one of Nirvana's concerts.

I think that song is beautiful, and I feel the same way.

Thanks for the comment, it helps out a lot =)

I'm still a teen, so I'm still learning haha.

Anna Apparition <3

This was a really interesting entry, I liked it.

=)

And what you say has a lot of truth to it for most people.

Thanks for the comment, you're completely right about it, and I wouldn't date him. At least I don't think so. I need to start trusting myself more o.o

Haha.

Anyways, nice writing.

Keep you updated if you keep me updated?

<3 Anna Apparition

Ugh, I'm sorry they made you do something you didn't feel like doing. Friends shouldn't do that...

I don't like doing what someone else wants me to do.

-Jovonnah Rabbit

Aww, Jacob sounds totally sweet. I'm sure you two would be getting along just the same if this was in person, so don't worry. =)
About your friend Laura, that person who commented before me is wrong. In Texas, you have to be 17 to legally have sex. So yes, by law, she did rape her boyfriend. 16 may be legal in other states, but not here. And I saw a show on TV about alllll these kids who were dating, and one of them was under the legal age when they had sex, and the parents ended up pressing charges for rape. A lot of them ended up in prison. Your friend could have waited one more year....
Don't feel bad about flirting with AJ. I mean, you and Jacob technically aren't dating yet [[and even if you were, it's not like it has to be exclusive]]. You are perfectly within your rights to flirt with your coworkers. :D

I remember meeting this guy online in high school..we became great friends and I started really liking him..I was like..how could I feel like this with someone I've never physically met?  Well we finally met up and it was an instant attraction..(we'd seen each other's pictures).  We've continued to keep in touch over the years but w/me getting married...the hubby doesn't really approve of me talking to ex's..even though he wasn't really a bf..make sense?  I will always care for him though..no matter if we ever talk again..it's b/c we connected on another level..I think that's what you are doing w/Jacob!  I think it's awesome that you are holding out for the right guy.. as for your friend Laura no it's not illegal..16 is legal..(so your ok too! )..

Well having fun at work makes the day go by sooooo much quicker!  I don't think you should feel guilty talking and having fun w/ AJ..honey..you are not married!  Have all the fun you want!  I can't wait to hear how your day today goes! 
<3 Jam

WoW you are so talented :)

i love them all very sweet and deep and just cute :D

c yah l8r,

-LuVmEn0t-

I know exactly what you mean. All the time, I stumble across something I wrote so long ago that I originally thought was crap, and looking back it's not nearly as bad as I thought...I find that so strange, that immediately after writing something isn't the time you're most proud of it -- it's years later.

Anyway, I loved these. They're all so beautiful....you did wonderfully with the rhyming schemes. I can't imagine how well you'd be able to write if you took it up again now. :)
The last one is my favorite too.

hey my name is Payton too :] But spelled with an a. :] 

lol sory had to say that.

Heyyy! Sorry I haven't commented in so long..
Anyway, I know what you mean about the days flying by. And I'm glad you don't have diabetes! I would be scared too, diabetes runs in my family. I have really wide feet too...it's hard to find shoes. -_-
Haha, it sounds like you've been having fun. I'm glad. :)

lol,read my entry so ya n0e when i answered lol..heheh he is sweet :D

lol

l8r,

-LuVmEn0t-

Well you know that saying..age is nothing but a number!  It's true...I remember in HS I was a senior and I was dating a freshman!  Ha...not very long but I was 18 and he was like 15...it didn't last very long..but he was a cutie..I actually was in touch w/him on myspace and the age really isn't that big a of difference now...26 and 29..:o) My girlfriend who is 30 was dating this guy who was 25...she was like..oh he's so young, blah blah..but the bottom line was..he made her happy...that's all that matters right?  There are some guys out there who can be older than you but act so immature.. Anyways, the best thing you can do is just getting to know him..it goes to show you that no matter what you look like you can have low self esteem..you can be the hottest guy in the world but not realize it..or the hottest girl...you never know!!!

Wow...your job is so crazy...I'm glad you are so smart!!!  Well I hope your move is smooth and everything goes well...are you going to be able to keep your job?  It's crazy here right now...raining like freagin cats and dogs...anyways...I hope you realize how lucky Jacob is to have you...!  You are beautiful inside and out!  Remember that!!!!
Jam

heyyy :D

it's been a while hasn't it??

hehehe

luv the picz!!

i'd write more but i really have to g0!! :(

i'd c yah l8r :)

byee,

-LuVmEn0t-

I agree with your decision about getting to know you..but one thing you left out is you getting to know him...what if YOU didn't like him after you knew him?  Don't leave it all up to him...you are a cute girl and any guy would be lucky to be with you..have some confidence girlie!  The relationship goes both ways....it feels so good to have someone new though...to hear all the compliments...just take it slow...

Ugh..I so don't want to go to this restaurant today!  Anyways...can't wait to hear what happens next!

xoxoJam

I really glad that you talked to your aunt..
i don't think you should over analyze jacob. he likes you! yayy! be happy. :D
i wish i was like you. i eat EVERYTHING i see when i'm sad or mad...or bored.
and it's pretty bad, because i do it without thinking, so i end up not even remembering what i ate.
lol. it's a bad habit.
i couldv'e ate cat liver, and not have realized.
:]

much love.

<3 Shannon.

I am so glad you finally got to sit down and talk with your aunt.  That was a big hurdle!  I can see that she cares so much about you and that is the reason she watches you.  As far as your eating habits...it's like you trained your stomach not to eat to much incase you didn't have food..I know you don't have an eating disorder but the outcome may be the same..you gotta eat a little more since your working so much..(ok that was the mom in me!).  We are a lot alike...the way you say you make yourself up in pictures.. I am the same way..it is very hard for me to take compliments..people have told me that I am photogenic..but I don't see it...I think this whole Jacob thing is so much fun..I mean long distance relationships are hard but that doesn't mean they can't work.. it also doesn't mean that he thinks you are just a pretty face either.  He saw something in your pic and it inticed him to come back for more...I told you yesterday that your pictures say a lot about you and how you feel..you have that little magic!  What is the worst that can come of this friendship with Jacob?  a good friend?  a future bf?  someone you can talk to?  I say go for it girl!  You have nothing to lose...just don't go into it thinking it will fail...you have a lot to offer!  Accept that he is attracted to you and wants to get to know you...your an awesome chick!

BTW--I love your entries not only for your writings but your photos!  It's like I feel like I know what you mean and then I get the visual!
Jam

I'm so sorry your Aunt treated you like that...she has no idea how much you are hurting...I mean there has to be someone she can talk to about getting you a ride.. what the hell is she thinking?  It sounds like she isn't thinking...that is so frustrating..Well I don't think you are a loser..just b/c you aren't going to college just yet..or just b/c you don't know what you want to do right now..you just got out of school..my sister-in-law is 38 and she just started her 4 years at Law school..she didn't start until her mid 30s.  So just b/c you don't know right now what you want to do..as long as you keep your head straight and are happy...who cares!  You are such a strong personality and soo smart..once you put your mind to it..you can do anything!  Don't let this defeat you!  You are a lot stronger than a lot of older (30+) people I know!!!

Stay strong girlie....oh and I think you did the right thing w/Dalton..don't come on too strong...he seems like he is openning up a lot to you..build a strong friendship and who knows what will come from it!
xoxoJam

I'm glad he finally messaged you!  Happy thoughts...hmmmm maybe I should try that once in awhile!  Heard a funny joke yesterday (I've been telling everyone)..

Hope you have a good day! Jam

AHHHH I love that movie. Hehe. :D

Haha, I'm sure you'll love Twilight. It's going to keep reminding you of Jacob though [[I'm sure you already know one of the characters is named that too]], just to warn ya.
I guess I'm just cynical or something. But I really don't like Edward...at all. You'll definitely have to tell me what you think of it!

No I can't just ignore it, but i cant break up with him either.
well I can, but i dont want to.
He's lied quite a bit and even though I'm furious about it
he's never lied over something big
and I trust him not to cheat on me or anything like that
Living in a small town I'll find out if he does
and he knows it will be over then.

i was not a big fan of sweeney todd.
call me crazy because everyone i know loved it.

i know what cha mean, i had a piece of sh*t little
motorola free phone for like the past two years
but it was better than nothing and it did still work
so i was just happy with that, well til it broke.
haha (:

[xxbarbiegirlbbyxx]

I absolutely LOVE that movie!!! hahaha
I went and saw it at a rave theater when it came out
AMAZING!! lol

I must have watched it 100 times. :] 

That's so cute...myspace does have it's ups...I miss it!  Well now they can see what a great person you are and wonder why they never talked to you in school...

Jam

Haha, wow. Congrats on Dalton adding you! I bet you guys'll stay in touch a lot longer than you ever expected to. :)

Wow..you are so official now with your runs!  LOL...how awesome...it's so good to see the confidence in you...I knew you had it in you..it sucks when you get a trainer that doesn't pull their weight...I know you would love to say all that stuff to him but honestly, it probably wouldn't change anything...he's lazy and he probably didn't think you'd catch on as quick as you did!  Ha..you showed him!

Yay...I am so happy for you!
Jam

It sounds like you have a really great job!!
I knew you'd be great at it.
Dude, I totally wouldn't have any patience for that trainer guy. He needs to realize he's got a responsibility to be there for you!
[[Oh, and about your other entry, The Dark Knight was flipping amazing. I loooved the Joker's character, seriously awesome. And that picture you used, the "Why so serious?" one, I totally bought that poster today!! :D]]

the dark knight was an amazing film.

there is a coffee shop near me, and i work there :)

been there for two years. our 4th birthday party is tomorrow. yay!

Like I tell my friends, dont worry about guys. Their brains don't fully mature until they are like, thirty anyways. You're young and free so have fun while you can. It's all about the Peace and Happiness. Haha They all look at me after that and are like 'Uh Kristen, hippie much?' But really, I wouldn't stress the Johnathan thing. Just go with the flow.

Peace to all the little babies in your life.

XOXOXO

Kristen

Awww :[
Jeez. Guys.
Don't even realize how literal we mean most things. 
haha
Is he actually gay??

hope it all works out for you!!!

Thanks for the comment. :]

That's so funny about Jonathan b/c when I was first reading about your relationship I thought that you guys would be perfect for each other...I mean women date thousands of men to get to the relationship that you and Jonathan have...which is friendship...that can lead to many new doors...but the base of a great relationship is friendship...I think whether you guys cross that road or not...you have a great friend...aw..soooo cute...I'm sorry about your uncle...sometimes when they get old..they get senile..don't take it too personal...which of course is hard!  Your a great person and do more than a lot of people realize...you (like myself) seem to get the short end of the stick...

Anyways...I'm a little bit of a wreck today..sitting at my job with my secretary across the room waiting to leave for my new interview...but thank you for all your encouragements...they mean so much!  I definately need them now and your such a sweetie!  I can't wait to hear about AJ!!!!

Love ya..Jam

i just like vanessa's music and she is pretty

but i know she is a hoe wait she is not even just a hoe she is a sluttttttttttyyyyyyyyyyy

                                       HOEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE